I’ve lived in Chiang Mai, Thailand, several times. It’s a very special place, and very special to me. I have another family there, a Thai family, which I’ll write about another time. I had my first-ever full-blown nervous breakdown there. Ah, memories.
I was back there in the summer of 2011 to do a CELTA course. The Ping River flooded and washed away the Chansom Memorial Bridge across the road and a few blocks along from my home. It was a footbridge linking my favourite temple, Wat Ket Karam, with my favourite market, Wararot. After some stops and starts, the bridge was rebuilt and reopened in the summer of 2016, which by chance was the next time I visited. There’s an excellent history here; I can see my big blue self taking photos in one photo.
Of course, when it was opened, the new bridge had to be showered with blessings. The young monks of Wat Ket (“What Kate”) crossed the bridge gathering offerings, then crossed back over. Then there was a celebration at the temple end of the bridge. These are some of my photos of the day. So many special memories of Chiang Mai. Even the breakdown, which I now know to have been an AuDHD task paralysis spiral – which brought on increased anxiety and depression – and the worst of my life at that.
I used to stand on the old bridge at night watching the Ping flow by, trying to centre myself in the present, to use the bridge as a mindfulness and anchoring tool. I had some decorative magnets I stuck on its lampposts, trying to make mental things stick or let them go. (I know how odd that sounds, but such rituals can have meaning in an AuDHD crisis). I assume the magnets were taken home by others long before the bridge was washed away. It was very healing to stand on the new bridge about eight years after that crisis and see how far I’d come. Though with far still to go.
One lesson remains from the old bridge that I still find useful today. I’d watch the flotsam and jetsam float by, and remind myself that I didn’t have to jump in there after it (emotionally). That it was part of the Here and Now, but I could just choose to let it pass. In daily life, I see the flotsam and jetsam of time and space float past. People’s petty dramas and baiting, slights and insults, trolling and destructiveness. But I don’t have to jump in after at.
I choose my battles more now there’s a new bridge to stand on in the moment – the past on one side, the future on the other – than I did on the old one. Battles both internal and external. I mentally stand on that bridge every morning, and count my blessings. It’s an effective and joyous way to put foundations under each new day.
Rachel, this post is a blessing. Thank you
I am sorry but can you clarify AuDHD crisis ?